The calendar in my bedroom stood open to October, 2019—the month time stopped. We were busy with soccer practices. I was overseeing fifteen student teachers between Madison and McClenny, teaching two online classes, and working part time at the church. Life was full.
As I stared at the calendar, I recalled dates and revisited emotions from that month. Regular biopsy. Sentinel node biopsy. Malignant. Cancer. Immunotherapy. All of this hit my husband just as we ordered our trusses for the new house that we were to install ourselves. The calendar marked the beginning of a year that rocked our world and shook us to the core.
I turned my attention to another area where I found three lost pacifiers. They were stuck under my enormous pile of books beside the bed. Memories of Daniel not getting enough air those first two years of life; me sleeping with the baby monitor turned wide open right beside my ear, always listening for his breathing.
So many clothing items were tossed into bags. Two boxes of books organized. Shelves and dressers cleaned off. Donation bags and trash bags lined the bedroom walls.
This week has been dedicated to purging. Many of the items I found were expected, but so much of this process brought up old memories. As I sorted and sifted, I realized I was actually processing life. Depression is a real issue, and our house shows what happens when it’s swept under the rug and not addressed appropriately. Years of abandoned projects and forgotten purchases. Sadness tucked into unorganized piles. Anxiety and fear hidden in the crevices.
Purging has been a humbling process this week. It’s also somewhat healing. The more I purge and clean the outside, the more I find myself reflecting and purging on the inside. Whether we mean to or not, we hold onto stuff emotionally, just as we do physically. And sometimes, we have to let it all go.
I finally took the calendar down and threw it away. Staying stuck in the past never propels us forward. I also tossed the pacifiers. What areas in your home do you need to purge? What about your mind? Or heart? Now’s the time. Why wait? There’s something refreshing about purging the old, and reclaiming the new.