One of my greatest joys is speaking at Honey Lake Christian Clinic in Greenville, Florida. Once a month, I am a guest speaker for what they call a weekend encounter. I’m still learning how to balance my time and commitments around my unpredictable fibromyalgia flares. The week prior to my most recent weekend encounter was carefully calculated. I chose rest and time on my heating pad as often as possible between my day jobs and mom responsibilities. Standing on my feet for three hours puts a big strain on my body, but I love teaching these folks what it takes to be free from their brokenness.
On the ride there, I prayed that God would use this teaching to touch lives, even my own. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I needed to be prepared no matter what happened. This day seemed extra important, and nothing needed to get in the way.
Fifteen minutes into my presentation my heart rate shot up into tachycardia range and didn’t slow down for over three hours. The high heart rate is nothing new in my world, but the length of time it lasted was a new record. I prayed silently throughout the presentation and asked God to keep my heart from getting out of hand. Based on the response I was receiving, these folks needed the lesson God gave me that day.
On the way home, my heart rate finally dropped with a sudden jolt. I pulled over while my body got to a better place. On the side of the road, I thought about Paul asking God to remove the thorn in his side. Scholars have speculated he may have had an illness or even a person that created continuous problems in his life. In 1 Corinthians 12, he calls the thorn a messenger from Satan. Whatever the thorn was it obviously caused Paul regular problems long term.
I have battled tachycardia my entire life. I can’t function in extremes—anger or excitement—and I daily watch my caffeine, sugar, and water intake. Anxiety and stress are also factors I have to keep under control. I even take medication to keep these attacks from happening as often. But like Paul, this thorn has never been removed no matter how much I’ve asked.
What I realized sitting on the side of the road is that I am more dependent on God for strength when I have these heart episodes. I know I can’t push through them without long term consequences and I ask him to get me through and also to make them stop. The entire time I was teaching, I was depending more closely on God for words, focus, and strength than if my heart had not been racing. My thorn builds my trust in Jesus.
When He Leaves the Thorns
Sometimes God leaves the thorns. Not to torment us. But to grow us. Without the thorns we stay dependent upon our own strength and ability instead of his power and strength.
Like Paul, I’m not fond of the thorn I have, but since it’s not going anywhere, I’ll learn to give it to God and trust him for the wisdom and strength to get through it. How about you? Do you have a thorn that won’t go away no matter how hard you pray? Are you depending on your own strength or God’s? Don’t let the thorn keep you from doing the ministry God has called you to. It might create a certain level of difficulty, but if God leads you to it, he’ll give you his strength to get you through it.