I ducked inside the house that I knew was mine but wasn’t the right shape. Glowing eyes peered at me from the other end of the long, suddenly crooked beam. Then a nail came flying from somewhere deep within. Then another. Followed by a rapid fire round of nails aimed right at me.
With every cut of the saw, the house morphed shapes, and the boards I cut would no longer fit. Decks shifted and walked across the back lawn. Roof lines bent and flexed like weightlifters training for a championship. Gurgling growls emerged from the recesses of the humongous house. Our house. Six years of work. Revolting against me. A monster house.
All night I fought with the monster house, desperate to tame the humongous creation. Friends and family showed up to help. But the more we tried to control the monstrosity, the more it attacked and refused to be tamed.
My alarm sounded at five this morning and I couldn’t leap out of bed fast enough. Heart racing. Brain swirling. Thank goodness—monster house was only a dream. But was it?
Dreams are often a direct reflection of our emotions from the day—just played out in a ridiculous way. As we are down to the last month of work on our house build, I do feel overwhelmed by the monster. This project is much bigger than I ever imagined and I’m beyond exhausted.
And like my dream, I feel constantly under attack. Nothing in my life is normal right now. The anxiety of a timeline, frustration of franticness, and tediousness of all the minute details is eating me alive. Having to say no to so many good things that I love and instead, stay home and work on the house has been beyond difficult. Juggling my normal workload, writing schedule, kid routines, mom responsibilities, and all the rest seems impossible. There’s no time for rest. For fun. For much of anything.
I know it’s a season and when the house is finally finished, we will love the extra space and financial freedom. It will all be worth it in the end, and in reality, a month isn’t that long. But the monster house dream is a direct connection to the pushed aside emotions of the day.
As I reflect on my night of frustration and anxiety, I recognize the same frustration and anxiety in my day. If I don’t stop long enough to face these overwhelming feelings, just like in my dream, I will be consumed by the giant, irrational, glowing-eyed monster.
Are you like me? Are you holding onto deep emotions of the day that are seeping into your nights? For that matter are they seeping into your everything? Take a few minutes and look at them this week. Maybe the monster isn’t as big as it seems.