I was teaching this weekend at Honey Lake Clinic in Greenville, Florida. As I share, I always discuss the importance of having people in our lives. Not just any people, but the kind of people who will walk closely with us, support our convictions, hold us accountable, and call us out when we are straying from the best version of ourselves.

But what happens if we don’t have a who? What if depression has taken over and we have pushed people away for so long that we are isolated? What if the life we’ve always lived isn’t the newer, cleaner life we now choose to be a part of, and all our supposed friends are pulling us backward? What if we have chosen to walk with God and no one else in our circle understands this new, radical heart change? What if integrity is now our path and we find the road narrow, deserted, and lonely?

Change for the better is always worth it, but sometimes change can be a lonely endeavor. The more authentic we become, the less people will fill our circle. The harder we pursue cleanness, the fewer people we will have on our journey. And the longer we stay sober, the smaller our core becomes.

But something amazing begins to happen. The more we work on becoming the best version of ourselves, the more we will attract like-minded, sincere people to join us in our walk. The longer we pursue sound minds and wholeness, the greater chance we will invite similar thinkers into our world. Honesty begets honesty. Integrity begets integrity. Vulnerability begets vulnerability.

So where do we find our who as we start over in life? Church and bible study is a great place to start. Civic organizations and humanitarian groups of service and volunteering are other places. Recovery groups like Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, and Celebrate Recovery are great too.

Once we attend any of these organizations or groups listed in the paragraph above, we must make sure to go back. Keep coming back, always. Finding our who or our new group of whos will take time and intentionality. Listen to people as they communicate. Watch their lifestyle. Pay attention to their interests. And don’t be afraid to initiate a conversation or an invitation to lunch. Friends with depth, sincerity, and convictions are game changers in this life and just like we search hard for a lifelong spouse, we must search hard for lifetime, real friendships.

As you search for your who, remember to become the type of person you need as a friend. Birds of a feather flock together. Everything changes or nothing changes. Where you go from here is truly your choice. Look for your people and don’t settle until you find them. Take a chance. Get out of your comfort zone. And ask God to show you where your who is hiding.