This week, I found a set of writings from a little over three years ago. As I read each piece, tears poured from my eyes. That was a season of uncertainty. Fear. Sadness. And cancer.

Even though our season looks different now, there were so many emotions that flooded my soul as I read the words. Reminders of God’s healing hand on my husband’s life and constant support of me and my family through that hard year. Relief that we are through that rough patch. But also hope and truth to hold onto as we face new challenges and wade through new, scary, uncharted waters.

I hope these words minister to your heart as much as they did mine this week. It’s crazy how God used my words for me. May he reach you too.

When Time Stood Still

October 2019. I was working three part time jobs. My husband was busy with his land clearing business. Our two sons were in the middle of a full soccer season. We had finally saved enough money for the next phase of our house build and ordered the trusses for our new home. Ministries at church were exploding and I was pulled in so many good directions.

                And then we got the call. Cancer. Possibly in the lymph nodes. Surgery. Everything started to spin. How could my 39-year-old husband have cancer? My kids needed a father. I needed a husband. What if it was in his lymph system? What if it had spread to other organs? What if we were too late?

                Time stood still. My vision grew foggy. Breathe in. Breathe out. That’s all I could do. I couldn’t even cry.

We began scheduling scans, appointments, and surgery. I was juggling our busy schedule the best way I knew how, but I was only going through the motions. Then, one morning, a dear friend and I were sitting in her car. Everything was still fresh and raw. She reached over, grabbed my hand, looked me in my eyes and asked if I was okay. I. Was. Not. Okay. Tears filled my eyes as I gripped her hand. “I’m so scared,” I responded weakly.

Scared. Scared of the waves that were sure to come. Scared of the wind that would batter our hull and threadbare sail. Scared of the storm that roared all around. I had never been in a boat under these conditions and suddenly, here I was, whether I liked it or not. I thought of the disciples and what they must have felt that day with Jesus. Waves, wind, thunder, and lightning. Such distress. Such panic.

But Jesus

But Jesus. He simply got up from His nap and told the wind and waves to be still. At that moment, a great calm fell over the sea and the disciples were in awe of this man who held such authority. As my friend reached over that day and held my hand, that same great calmness fell over me. Jesus, through the affection of a friend, reached into the storm in my soul and said, “Be still.”

Somehow, I knew it would be okay. I knew we would make it to the other side. And I knew Jesus would be in our boat no matter what might come our way.

It’s frightening to be in a boat in the middle of a storm, but that’s exactly what it feels like when our routine life gets turned upside down, when time seems to stand still. But we know the one who has all authority over the wind and waves. Jesus. Jesus is the one who shows up and brings the calm in the midst of a swirling sea. He is our hope when time stands still. He is the reason we can keep going each and every day. Only Jesus.