Broken. Ashamed. Crushed.

            We all have seasons we would describe with these words. Some were recent, others are tucked deep into the darkest dungeons of our distant past. Sometimes those periods of time were of our own rebellious making, while others resulted from one misfortune after another that seemed relentless. Maybe we never saw it coming. Or maybe we suffered in silence for years. No matter the why, we all have something that broke us, brought shame, or crushed us.

            Mine was of my own making. A long season of seeking out and indulging in explicit material on television, in books, and online. But God. He sent intervention in the form of a friend’s loving confrontation, and I had to hit my moral failure head on. One of the many prayers I prayed during that season was from Psalm 144. Now, I know when David wrote these words, he was referencing battles and wars, but the words became the cry of my heart as I sought to surrender my mind and hands to the leadership of Jesus Christ. “Blessed be the Lord, my rock, who trains my hands for war, and my fingers for battle.” (Psalm 144:1, NASB)

            My battle involved my hands. Training them to access the correct places. Teaching them to remain in submission to the Lord in all things. I begged God to teach me how to fight my old ways and habits, to one day undo the cycle, and learn how to glorify him with my hands and fingers. Especially with technology.

            Monday, January 6, the reality of all God has done hit me like a ton of bricks. Here I was, preparing to teach a ladies Bible study, not only to an in-person audience, but live online for others to view and participate in. God used my fingers to create something that could influence, motivate, and hopefully grow other women. AND he placed on the person’s heart who asked me to do this to figure out how to get the message out to others via technology.

            Tears fell. Holy, content tears. Victorious, warrior tears. Compassionate, grateful tears. I imagined God’s face smiling down. And I felt his sweet reminder deep in my heart. I answered your prayer.

            When God turns it around, we don’t always see it immediately. Often it takes years of struggling and relearning how to live life. But when we finally see it, the presence of his direction over the past, present, and future of our lives is unmistakable.

            As week two of the Bible study begins, my heart is full. I’m thankful for his leadership each step of the way, for many, many years. And I’m grateful that he heard my prayer all those years ago and faithfully answered. He’s giving me the privilege of helping other ladies break free from whatever past season has held them in bondage. All the things he walked me through, I get to share the process with others. He’s redeeming what I was sure the enemy would ruin me with. 

            He’s the God who turns it all around. Have you given him your past? Have you surrendered the hard seasons? Are you ready to have a new name other than Broken? Ashamed? Crushed? He’ll answer, my friend. But we must let him have it all.

          It’s not too late for you to join the Bible study, by the way. We’d love to have you.