What If God Doesn’t Restore?
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The last year and a half have been filled with doctor visits and many health concerns on my part. Up until this summer, the answers weren’t coming. Most tests returned normal, and my bloodwork appeared perfect. Stress was a big piece of the puzzle, and I’ve spent much time relearning how to do life. Built in rest periods, lowering my expectations of myself, and saying no have been hard, but necessary additions.
Even with all the changes, my body is still uncooperative. My fall back in January has led to a downward spiral in my system and as some might say, “Let the cat out of the bag”. Whatever underlying issues I have been able to keep under control have now propelled to the surface and I am no longer able to push myself physically like I always have. Chronic, unexplained pain now dictates my days. Fatigue and brain fog like I’ve not experienced before. Never have I felt so weak and defeated.
Many nights are long. And the days are even longer. Sometimes I feel like I’m losing my mind since all my tests come back normal. Am I crazy? I’m forty-two years old and my body can’t keep pace with people thirty and forty years older than me. It’s humbling. Thankfully, I have a wonderful team of doctors at Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville who finally gave me a diagnosis this week. Fibromyalgia. For the first time, I don’t feel crazy anymore, but instead, hopeful as I begin to navigate a whole new way of life.
Restory
Sunday evening, I heard a testimony from the former lead singer of Audio Adrenaline, a popular Christian rock band from the nineties. He developed a strange vocal cord disease and could no longer sing. He lost his band, his career, purpose, and even his marriage during that time. He was frustrated and angry with God because the life he always knew vanished right before his eyes.
He decided to move to Haiti, where his parents were missionaries, and God changed his focus. No longer was he absorbed in his problems and what he was missing, but God changed his whole mindset. He suddenly saw the great poverty, the broken lives, and the need for the children of Haiti to receive much needed help. Now, instead of going around ministering to people through music, he travels with different speakers and groups as a spokesman for the children of Haiti. He eventually remarried, adopted two Haitian children, and God completely changed his life.
When he shared Sunday, he profoundly spoke words my heart desperately needed to hear. “God doesn’t always restore our lives. Sometimes he ‘restorys’ them.”
Tears formed as the words touched my weary heart. God hasn’t chosen to heal me of this chronic pain, no matter how much I’ve prayed. I can’t go and do like I’ve always been able to. My body is no longer dependable, and I never know day to day what I can commit to. But, just because he hasn’t restored doesn’t mean he’s not restorying.
My whole focus has shifted this summer as I’ve spent much more time writing and leading behind the scenes than having my boots on the ground. God’s not done with me. He’s just changing the story.
Friends, sometimes God doesn’t restore us to what we were. Sometimes he allows things in our lives to humble us and make us into who he needs us to be. He slows us down. Gets our attention. Transforms our heart. And changes our story.
Your story isn’t over because it’s not turning out like you expected. Maybe it’s just beginning.
Will you let him restory your life?
Nancy E. Head
What a fabulous message, Christy. And the beautiful thing is that, one day, God will fully restore your body. He is redirecting now. What’s ahead may be very different–and very good. God bless!
christyadams008
Oh thanks so much, my friend. What a day it will be.
Kim Janine Ligon
Christy, what a gift it is to be able to see through your pain to your new story. It’s hard for people who have always been the ones carrying the ball down the field to switch to being the encourager who inspire the ball carrier to keep running. Both are vital to ultimate success. Love you, sweet friend. God bless you!
christyadams008
Hey Kim. I was just thinking of you this week. I love that analogy. Changing to a new role, but still vital to the process. Love you much. Grateful for your friendship.
Shellie Arnold
Yes, sister, yes. He absolutely uses “restorying” to redirect and grow a deeper dependence on Him. Not because what we were doing before was necessarily wrong, but because He is sovereign and gets all the glory. Fabulous testimony!
christyadams008
Thanks sister! Yes and amen.
Kristy Sheridan
Christy, I had no idea about your diagnosis. I’m sorry you are struggling, from what little I know it is a painful condition. I love your blog post, and immediately read it because of the title. You’re right, God does not always restore us to the condition we once were or hope and pray to be. Because His ways are not our ways and He knows best for us. But He always makes good fruit come for and through those of us who believe. I will be lifting you for peace, patience, and relief from pain. Hang in there and keep sending us your wonderful messages! XO
christyadams008
It’s easy to lose sight of all those truths you just spoke about. Thank you for the fresh reminder. And the prayers and encouragement.
Amelia Stone
So very many times in my life this has happened to me. I have done and lived through so many restorys. In each one God chose to use me to reach a different group of people, young and old. You know He is not finished with you yet and that all this just add new perspectives to your richly beautiful life. God has blessed you with this disorder so that you might understand and bless others with the same or similar unseen disorders. I pray He continues to use you in a mighty way.
christyadams008
Thanks so much, my friend!
Jennifer
This speaks to me…loudly. Thank you for sharing your gift with us!
christyadams008
Restorying gives me hope that my life can still be purposeful again. I’m like you, hanging onto “yet”.