Tag Archives: writing

Stuck in a Rut

We started down the driveway and hit the clay road. The first few curves were a little slick, but nothing out of my control. We rounded the corner at the end of the clay pit and my car wiggled and wobbled. I slowed down just a shade, but kept a steady pace. I knew I needed to climb the next big hill around the last bend, so I couldn’t stop now.

I was doing great until my front left tire got into the soft clay on the edge of the road. My whole car began slowly sliding toward the left bank. As we slid sideways, I kept the pressure on the gas. Mud was flying, smoke was stirring, but the car wasn’t moving. I tried backing up a little at a time, but the more I backed, the closer to the bank my car got. Back and forth I rocked; only moving a few feet at a time.

Inches away from the bank, my back tire finally caught hold of a firm piece of ground and I was able to began a slow backwards descent to the bottom of the hill. If you have never seen my spectacular backing skills in action, just imagine the tracks that a drunk driver would leave on a dirt road. Now, envision the new ruts I created as I slowly backed down the hill. That road looked like a gang of kids on four-wheelers had just done doughnuts and sped away!

When we got to the bottom I told my son that it would probably be wise to turn around and go through our neighbor’s field because there was no way I was going to be able to make it up that hill. He looked at me and said, “One more time, Mama. Just go fast!” Well, what else was going to happen? Get stuck?

So, I backed up my poor, pitiful, 2-wheel drive buggy onto a solid section of dirt road, popped a piece of gum in my mouth, and mashed on it! Through the wiggly ruts, up the base of the hill, through the soft clay; twisting, turning, sliding we finally made it to the top of the hill. Celebratory cheers rang out as we threw our hands up in victory.

“See, Mama. You trusted me and we made it up the hill,” my son said excitedly. “Just trust me, Mama.”

Image result for stuck in a rutThis stuck in a rut moment wasn’t an isolated incident; it was the cherry on top of a weekend filled with God tenderly stirring my heart. At our women’s retreat, I kept sensing these same, simple, hopeful words that were just spoken to me by my son, “Trust me. Just trust me up this hill.” Just like my son wanted me to trust him, God, too, was beckoning for my trust.

I’ve been stuck in a rut, lately. For those if you who keep up with this blog, my posts have been scarce. I have allowed fears, doubts, and opinions to keep me away from what I love to do and as a result, I have questioned my abilities and assignment in this life.

I’m grateful God used so many people and situations this weekend to remind me that just because I was stuck in a rut doesn’t mean that I have to say there. All I need to do is back up, hit the gas, and get on up that slippery, wiggly hill.Image result for fan into flame verse

Don’t let the world derail you from what you know God has called you to do. Don’t neglect your gift. We are not only hurting ourselves, but we are withholding blessings that could be shared with others.

 

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Heartspeak

It’s been an unusually busy week for me. It’s the kind of week where I never really got to unwind or decompress. It’s like one activity just ran right into the next and then Carter got sick right in the middle of the busyness. Weeks like this, I feel like I’m out of touch with myself, my thoughts and emotions. It dawned on me today that I haven’t taken time to write since Tuesday. Normally I journal everyday during naptime. Its where I work through the events of my day, record my thoughts, and most importantly, communicate with God. Writing is the language of my heart.

I can recall the darkest times in my life; the times where I was running from God and hiding from myself-those were years when I didn’t write. I mean, yes, I would occasionally write a poem or story or letter, but I didn’t write anything with substance. I didn’t pour my heart out on paper. I knew that if I did I would have to face reality and I was in no way ready for that.

Writing gives my emotions legs. The random thoughts, feelings, and perceptions that continually float through my mind are not reality until I put them on paper. It’s like writing is the missing link between my heart and real life. When I’m mad, hurt, afraid or frustrated, oftentimes I can’t pinpoint the reason, but once I sit down and write it out, it’s like all of the puzzle pieces come together and I can see the whole picture through clear eyes.

You know, I think that sometimes we get so busy that we forget to connect our real hearts to our real lives. We forget what breathes newness into our lives. We don’t take time everyday to speak the language of our hearts. I know writing is not what every heart speaks, but every heart has its own language. Some people need to be alone in the peace and quiet. Some may need to be outside, listening to the sounds of nature or working with animals. Others need music; it doesn’t matter what style, as long as it has a rhythm that touches them down to the core. Some people need other people to talk to, to help them make sense of their thoughts and feelings. Others need to make lists and create logical order of their thoughts. Some people need to move, dance, perform, exercise, or play a sport.

Whatever it is, every heart has a language that brings balance to your real life. If you are like me, when we don’t take time to connect with ourselves on a deeper level, we feel disconnected, burdened, overloaded and frustrated. We haven’t taken the time to deal with anger, hurts, and emotions and as a result, we bottle the events of life, ready to explode at a moment’s notice. During these times, it’s easier to make big decisions without consulting our true heart. It’s easier to make compromises because we aren’t truly in touch with our moral, spiritual, and real selves. And if you are like me, the more you run from speaking your heart’s language, the easier it is to keep God at arm’s length.

Take some time this week and let your life and heart connect. If you don’t “have time”, put it on your to-do list and actually check it off! I promise, it will be worth it just to be able to breathe again. And don’t forget to invite God along with you as you go.