Setting Boundaries
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When I was a kid, we had a swimming pool in the backyard. Three sides had a wooden privacy fence around it while the back had a regular height chain linked fence at the edge of our city lot. One day we noticed the chained link fence had a dip in the top bar, and before much longer, we caught some kids sneaking in the pool over the fence. No matter how hard we tried to establish a definitive boundary for our swimming pool, we had people who tried to overstep.
Even though boundaries are overstepped at times, the importance of creating them is no less vital. Even God, when he created the world, set boundaries. Day and night. Earth and sky. Water and land. Male and female. Animals and humans. Boundaries are in the foundation and fingerprints of our entire existence.
Laws, rules, taxes, driving, construction, and jobs—every aspect of our lives has some kind of line we are not to cross and instructions that are vital to success. So, why is it that we live in such a boundary driven society, yet we fail to implement boundaries in our own personal lives?
Why can’t our yes be yes, and our no be no? Why do we feel we have to endure certain things and call it “making peace”? Why do we sacrifice our well-being and self-worth, calling it submission and servitude, when we are actually being walked all over, mistreated, and taken for granted? Why do we feel guilty standing up for ourselves and family when we know that we are doing our best to honor God with our lives?
Even Jesus had boundaries. He pulled away from the disciples and crowds to meet with his Father. He obeyed God above his earthly family. He waited to finish his mission before he went to be with the sisters in the wake of Lazarus dying. He confronted wrong teaching. He drew lines in the sand and refused to treat people like the Pharisees decreed. And he left the perfection of heaven to live in and die for a flawed world. He crossed the boundary for us.
As I think about my own life and look at the lives of other women, I see how quick we are to do for everyone else, but rarely slow down to care for ourselves. We shoulder unnecessary pain and guilt so that others can live in happiness. We serve and serve until who we serve expects it and we create codependency instead of intimacy. We make ourselves responsible for the happiness, well-being, and morality of those around us instead of holding them accountable for their actions and teaching them to stand on their own two feet. And we call ourselves self-sacrificing. Martyrs. Servants. But in the process, we often lose ourselves and forsake our true calling in life.
If you saw yourself in these words, examine your life. Guilt isn’t a good reason to do something and putting ourselves in situations where we are the only one working toward a solution isn’t okay either. If you are being mistreated and excusing it away, recognize it. You are worth more than that!!! God calls us to serve. To help. To be ministers of the gospel. Not doormats or verbal punching bags.
This week, take a long hard look at your life. Are there any boundaries you need to put into place? Priorities that need to be shifted? Relationships that need to be amended? Boundaries aren’t just for other parts of life, they are for each of our personal lives as well. What needs to change in your world?
