Overload

So many thoughts, but I haven’t been letting myself go there. I can feel the tension mounting inside but I know if I pause to take a look that the emotions will be overwhelming. I just keep thinking about nothing so the impending change won’t consume me. I still haven’t even packed my hospital bag and baby will be here in less than 52 hours. Hours!

I don’t know how many times I got up to pee last night, but it was at least 8. I finally gave up and got up at 6:15 when Carter got up. It’s not even 9 am and I have already done almost everything it usually takes me until lunch to complete. Time seems to be standing still but then again it’s moving way too fast. I try not to look at the clock during the day so I can be surprised at how the time is passing by.

This time next week I’ll have another kid. A baby. Incomprehensible.

So much to consider, but only so much can be done ahead of time. All the work is yet to come once baby makes his entrance. Our new normal will be here in just 2 days.

I know everything will fall into place and we will get in the groove. I know that life will keep rolling along. I know it will seem like just yesterday when he was born and I will long for this time in my life again and again. I know there are those out there that will never have the privilege of bringing life into this world, and I really am thankful for this opportunity.

It’s just new. Different. Change.

Tonight will be our last night of our current normal. It will be the last night sleeping in our bed with just a 4 year old in the other room. It will be the last night laying in my own bed feeling this little life wiggle around inside. A lot of lasts.

But then that opens the door to a lot of firsts. The first time we all get to meet this little guy. The first time we get to hug and kiss him. The look on Carter’s face when he holds him for the first time.

I’ve got a few organization things left to do, some clothes to wash, dishes to do; so I will be able to stay pretty busy today. I just have to get motivated to get started. Once I get going time will fly by…maybe that’s why I’m avoiding it so much…