We made it to church tonight to hear Big Kettle Drum (they were really good, by the way!). I was a bit hesitant as I went inside with Carter since there was no nursery. I grabbed a few toys, my Sunday school bag, and decided to brave it.
I just need to say, I’m whip
ped. We played with toys. We drew pictures. I made roads for him to drive toys on. He danced. He crawled on the floor. He bounced like a frog over and over again in the chair. He used the chairs as tunnels for his toys. He colored the pages of my Sunday school book (I was desperate). He stood. He sat. I held him. He pulled my hair and hugged too hard. The kid wore me out.
He wasn’t particularly bad, he was just a 3 year old that had to stay in a confined space for well over an hour and remain relatively quiet. That’s really hard for little guys and for the first 45 minutes I took that into consideration. But during the last 45 minutes my patience began wearing thin. I could feel my irritation level rising, especially when he decided to make a lot of noise during a serious song of worship or when they were sharing a more intimate story. We were nearing the end of the set and I had managed not to lose my cool yet, when they started the song “How He Loves”.
I picked Carter up and held him on my hip for the first part of the song. He was being sweet and still and then he decided he was done. He started wiggling and I set him down. Maybe because I was at my limit or because I just really needed some me and God time, or a combination of both, but I found myself getting extremely aggravated at his wiggly-ness. Just then the band got to the chorus:
Oh, how He loves, yeah, He loves us
Oh, how He loves us, oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves
I looked over at my child, blue eyes beaming, dimples piercing his cheeks. He was having the time of his life. As I watched his curly hair flop back and forth as he bounced like a super-hyperactive frog, I realized that God loved me enough to give me the chance to have a son. Despite my failures, selfishness, and bad choices, He entrusted me with the care of a precious, silly, wiggly, little boy who adds unmeasurable joy and meaning to my life.
I had really been looking forward to spending some time worshiping through song tonight, but it wasn’t until that moment that I really felt the intimate connection with God. It was like He was looking down on the whole evening, smiling as He gave me that special reminder that “Oh, how He loves me” and keeps on loving me, not because of what I’ve done, but because of His great grace.