Many years ago, a friend and I discussed the importance of fostering and adopting children. Growing up in the home of a social worker, I’ve always understood the deep need and important role that these big-hearted individuals play. The good homes are the ones that show love and kindness to every child that enters their home, regardless of the behavior of the child. Their hearts are open and no matter how long or short the stay of the child, love is given.
In my conversation with this particular friend, I struggled to understand how love could be given when the children often left in a matter of weeks. In my mind, if a kid comes to my home, they’re mine—I’m not letting them go. The thought of loving and letting go made my heart ache in an indescribable way.
With tears in my friend’s eyes, she explained the pain of loving a child for months or years and then having to let them go. The deep, heart wrenching fear of what those children might be going back to tore at the soul. But I’ll never forget the words she spoke, “It’s better to have loved and face the possibility of pain than to live a life never having loved at all.”
As I attended the funeral of Mrs. Carol Flournoy Sunday afternoon, those words flashed like a beacon in my mind. All her children, grandchildren, and cherished friends and family spoke of how well she loved. A constant encourager and source of light, she loved with all she had. And in return, her family loved her too. And in the end, they had to say goodbye.
But I guarantee if I asked each one, they would all respond with a resounding yes that they would love her again and again and again. Even knowing they would lose her in the end, the choice to love and be loved would win out in their lives every time.
Love—real love that is bred in the depths of our being—is worth the risk. When we open our hearts and let another person into our special place of vulnerability, something happens. We are seen. Known. Chosen. Welcome. Wanted. Loved.
Sometimes this is between two individuals who have pledged their lives together in marriage. But other times it’s expressed between a parent and child. Or grandchild. Or foster child. Or adopted child. Or sister. Brother. Coworker. Friend. But no matter the relationship, true, deep, vulnerable love is always a choice. And even if that person leaves our lives through death or change or whatever may happen—it’s better to have loved and face the bitterness of pain than to have lived an isolated, lonely existence of no love at all.
Maybe we think not loving will save us deeper hurt. Maybe we think we are protecting ourselves by shutting out the world. But maybe, just maybe, we are missing out on the biggest blessing we will experience on this side of heaven.
The words of my friend ring truer today than they did the day before. “It’s better to have loved and face the possibility of pain than to live a life never having loved at all.” Won’t you take a chance on love?