I’ve been dreading the thirty-day heart monitor my doctor ordered. With my sensory and texture struggles, the idea of a bazillion leads stuck all over me for a month sounded excruciating. There have been so many questions swirling in my head and until I walked into the doctor’s office, I had no way of finding any answers.

Relief washed over me as the nurse opened the case and placed a sticky pad on my chest. One. Only one. The size of my two fingers. Then she handed me a cell phone. That was it. There was an app on the phone that would record everything as long as I kept the phone within twenty feet of my person.

I’ve now been wearing the heart monitor for several days. While it’s comforting to know that every beat is recorded, I’m also very aware of what is not happening. There have been no big episodes of tachycardia recorded yet.

My heart has raced at high rates on and off since I was a kid and I’ve spent a lifetime learning to avoid certain situations. I drink very little caffeine and amplify my water intake—both caffeine and dehydration can cause an episode. My emotions rarely swing—extreme anger, sadness, excitement, or joy can overwork my heart and cause an episode. I also avoid overexertion with sports—which is extra hard lately since discovering pickleball. And stress and pushing my body too hard, which I’ve done for the past four years or more, play a huge part in the puzzle. Overexertion combined with stress from overextending myself seem to be the two big instigators lately.

Wearing this monitor which is constantly watching every heartbeat has made me extra aware of each offbeat, chest pain, or palpitation. But it has also caused me pause as I consider my spiritual heartbeat. I’m a firm believer that our physical and spiritual lives intertwine and I’m very aware of my spiritual heart right now as well.

I’m coming out of a season of pushing my body and mind to the limit as we finished building the house. My days were stacked from before daylight to bedtime with chores, tasks, and responsibilities. As the doctors are monitoring my physical heart, I’m noticing the fragility of my spiritual one. Rarely did I stop and process all the emotional hits that came my way. I didn’t slow down to adequately grieve the death of two of my grandparents. My determination and will powered through my husband’s cancer four years ago. And my stubborn, hard-head willed me through the quarantine and weirdness of 2020. And somehow through all of that I maintained the yard, life with two kids, made time for writing, worked part-time at church, and physically helped build a house.

And now my physical heart is tired. And so is my spiritual one.

I’m recognizing the importance of slowing down as my body is tired. I’ve not been in a cycle of rest, so relearning this important piece of self-care is a must. And looking at all the hard emotional pieces I simply powered through is a daily requirement now.

I guess in a sense, this heart monitor is a good thing—teaching me to monitor the whole person. I pray they find what’s going on, but in the meantime, being forced to slow down and look at life hasn’t been such a terrible thing. It’s actually been enlightening.

So, my question to you is: Are you slowing down enough monitor not only your physical heart, but your spiritual heart? What is your monitor picking up that needs your attention this week?