He Wants My Now

Being a mom is hard sometimes. Don’t get me wrong, I love my boys and  I would do anything for them, but trying to balance the everyday tasks, relationships, roles, responsibilities and then to still spend quality time with everyone, including God, is really tough. Inevitably someone is going to get slighted and sadly, lately that person has been God.

I, like all moms, don’t get a lot of “me” time, so when those rare moments happen, I find myself overly protective with my special time. Here, let me rephrase that for you, I get selfish. Yep, I sure do. And sadly, when I get selfish, it all becomes about me; and lately that means that I have started slighting God.

I try really hard to honor God with my life and teach my children to follow Him. I tell God that I believe in Him and want to serve Him, but sadly my actions are contradicting my words. I find myself wishing I had more time to spend with God like I had before children. That sounds noble enough, doesn’t it? But what’s happening is because I don’t have big chunks of time to devote to God right now, I make excuses for not taking that time and instead I promise Him more time in the future, “when the kids are bigger”.

Here’s the problem: I don’t have my future to offer Him; I only have my now. If I can’t offer Him my now, then I definitely won’t offer Him my future. I must choose Him today. I need to choose Him over my hobbies and desires. I need to choose Him over my favorite book or a much needed nap. I must choose Christ even when I’m tired, overwhelmed, and want to go to bed. Even in the midst of chaos and sick kids, I must choose to choose Christ.

See, the bigger picture is that God wants me. He wants me now, just like I am. He wants my yoga pants and crazy hair. He wants my slippered feet and baggy eyes. He wants my aching joints and weary muscles. He even wants me before I’ve had my coffee (He’s a brave soul!) and after I’ve reached my tired max for the day. If I will just stop and listen, He is wooing me. He has special things to tell me, sweet reminders of who He is and how much He loves me. He wants to spend time with me even though I feel like I have better things to do.

In this overwhelming, draining season, He longs to speak life into my tired soul and remind me of all of the blessings He has given, but I have to offer Him my now. I have to realize and convince myself that my intentional 5 minutes here and there is just as valuable as an intentional hour spent with Him before children. It’s intentionality that leads to quality. He wants what I have to give. He wants me in whatever season I’m in. I just have to choose to choose Him.

“Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.” Matthew 6:34 MSG