Blink

Daniel has fat rolls. It’s the first time in his 8 months here on earth that he has had enough meat on his bones to form sweet little chubbies. He’s growing. He’s strong. He’s healthy. It’s been a long road, but he is finally making gains. Because he is growing so much, I found myself digging through boxes of Carter’s old clothes trying to find the next size for Daniel to move into. So many memories flooded my mind as I remembered dressing Carter in those same clothes 4 years ago.

It’s gone so fast. Carter will be 5 this summer and it seems like just yesterday he was Daniel’s size. I teared up as I organized everything. When I finished, I looked at Daniel standing in the crib, holding onto the rail, bouncing and grinning. I’m going to blink and he will be Carter’s age and I won’t have babies anymore. When it’s 3 in the morning, baby’s screaming, I’m exhausted and worn out; that’s when it seems that these days will never end. But then they do and it’s over. And the babies just keep on growing.

I look at my grandparents and parents and I know it seems to them that they just had babies yesterday. They can remember those sleepless nights and fussy babies. They share memories like they just lived them a moment ago. And to them it was just a moment ago. Then they blinked.

I love my boys just like they are right now and I know I will love them just as they are at each of the stages they go through. I just want time to slow down enough to soak up every moment. I don’t want to miss anything. In just a blink they will be grown and experiencing adult life for themselves. David and I will become grandparents and begin planning for retirement. Our parents will be the old ones and we will be planning for how to take care of them when they can’t take care of themselves. Then they will pass and we will be the old ones. Our boys will be taking care of us and we will be near death. And I won’t even know how I got there. I will have just blinked.

When I do become one of the old ones, I don’t want to have any regrets. I want to know I loved as big as I could and savored every moment. I want to remember all of the ages and stages, knowing that with every blink my heart grew a little bit bigger.

This quote from Jen Hatmaker is fitting. It will be over before you know it.