Last night as I laid down beside Carter at bedtime, I began praying something like the prayer below.(As an aside, his first day of kindergarten was great! He can’t wait to go back.)
As I lay here in bed next to Carter, this last night before kindergarten, snuggling before he goes to sleep, I can’t help but think about how special he is to me. The fact that You entrusted him into our care still totally baffles me, but nonetheless, here he is. I think of how much he learned last year and how terrifying it was to let him walk into his first day of pre-k. And even though last year was SO successful and his teacher did a great job, there’s a part of me that just wants to stay with him all day that first day of kindergarten to make sure he understands everything and doesn’t have any questions. I KNOW that his teacher is going to do a great job. I KNOW he will make friends. I KNOW he is going to love kindergarten just as much (or more) as he loved pre-k, but I just want him here a little bit longer. I want him little and innocent. I want the jokes to keep flying over his head. I want his silly grin to never change. I want his love for life to never be quenched. I want his care and compassion to go forever unhindered. I want the “snuzzles” and kisses to stay just as sweet. I want to protect him from this cruel and harsh world.
As I watch him slowly fall asleep tonight, God, I just pray for his heart. Grow him into a good man; a man that stands for Truth. Develop in him a spirit that protects the weak, confronts the bully, and befriends the lonesome. Keep him innocent as long as You can. Protect his eyes and ears from the evils that are everywhere and place people in his life who will build him up, lead him to truth, and bring out his best. Keep him little as long as you can, but make his life BIG – big with life-changing opportunities and experiences, big with emotions, and big with ideas to impact this world. I know he can’t stay a child forever, but please preserve his innocence. When I look into his face, I understand why You liken the Christian faith to that of a child’s. There’s such pure belief, trust, and faith. Grow his faith now and when he gets old, I ask that it would just get stronger.
God, as I hold my pre-k baby one last night, I know that there is no way I can make time stop. Tomorrow he will officially be a kindergartener and then the next thing I know he will be a senior in high school. Please help me to not hold on too tightly, but to hold on just enough. Help me be the mom he needs but also let him grow his own set of wings. I want him to thrive. I want him to excel. But more importantly I want him to live-the fullest and richest life possible.
I guess I need to let him sleep now. Tomorrow will be such a big day for him. Thank you for my little kindergartner. Thank you for blessing us with his beautiful life. I feel like I need to ask you to watch over him when I can’t, but God, I know deep down that I really have no control over him at all. You are a much better “watcher-overer” than I will ever be, so please keep your eyes on Him for me. Hold his hand tightly, God, but hold his heart even tighter. And while You’re at it, you might have to hold me a little tighter tomorrow, too. This mama’s heart is pretty heavy.