I was sitting at a traffic light in Valdosta today. The light turned red before I made it up to the white line and I ended up stopped right next to a homeless man. I inched my car up a little so I wouldn’t have to look him in the eye. I didn’t have any cash and the only food in the car at that time was a crushed granola bar. As I avoided eye contact with this man, I watched people in the rear view mirror as they flagged him down and gave him a couple bucks. I was so uncomfortable sitting there and it felt like the stoplight was never going to change.
When the light finally did change, I sped off to complete more tasks on my To-Do list. By this point I had already combed through the clothes at a thrift store and had just finished a relaxing lunch of soup and a sandwich while I leisurely read a book. I felt a little tug at the restaurant to turn around and speak to the girl behind me, but I chose to read instead. Surely she had someone meeting her for lunch. Now I was on my way to the Christian bookstore to browse through their books and cds. I walked around mumbling to myself about how I would never pay that much for a picture or book and meandered over to the bargain rack. I found a couple of $5 cds and made my way up to the counter to check out. The girl at the counter asked if I wanted to donate $5 to help provide a bible for someone in another country. I told her that I wasn’t interested today.
As I drove around the Walmart parking lot trying to find a spot that was closer to the front of the store, it hit me like a ton of bricks-everything on my To-Do list for the day was about me. I mentally ran through everything I’d already accomplished and all of the other things on my list that still needed to be completed before the day was done. I realized that almost every single thing was “me”-centered. Not once today did I stop and ask God if there was anything that He wanted to put on the list.
Oh, He tried to get my attention! I should have been talking to God about the homeless man and seeking His direction instead of avoiding the man’s gaze. I should have turned around and talked to the girl behind me at the restaurant instead of being absorbed in my book. I should have not only given $5, but $10, or $15 to the bible initiative.
But I chose to stick to my To-Do list instead.
God, please forgive me for days like today when I’m so wrapped up in me. Forgive me for missing out on your direction. Forgive me for my disobedience in the form of inaction. Please help me get it right tomorrow. I don’t want to miss any more opportunities to further your kingdom.