We leave on Thursday for Kokrine Hills Bible Camp in Alaska. David has been going every summer since 2008. It’s a camp for Native American children from the local villages and it’s similar to a 4H camp. David and a crew from Madison go up before the children’s camps begin and help with de-winterizing and any other projects that need to be completed. They fix machinery, patch the cracks in the runway (from ice), build things, and help out wherever needed. I have tried to go with him but different issues come up each time. This year, however, I am joining David and we are bringing Carter along as well.
Back in August when we started planning, I didn’t realize just how nervous I would be. Quite honestly, I haven’t really thought or talked about it much because when I do, I get this giant knot of nerves in the pit of my stomach. I think secretly I hoped that I wouldn’t have to go through with it; that something would come up and I would get to stay at home. But since that didn’t happen, it’s time to put on my big girl britches, suck it up, and just go with it.
Don’t get me wrong-I’m very excited about this opportunity, but I’m a planner and I like control. Going to this camp means throwing my plans out the window and trusting God to control all the details. I’m in the process of letting go and trusting him, but in the meantime, I’ve been worrying. How will the time change effect Carter’s schedule? How will I adjust to the lack of indoor toilets? What if we have an emergency and the river is still frozen and the only way in or out is by plane? What if a bear just walks into camp unannounced? What if Carter screams the entire flight? What if he won’t eat the food? What if he gets sick? What if he gets hurt? What if this was a really huge mistake?
I’m just being blatantly honest here. Yes, I want to go and yes, I will go, but I have to address all these questions first. The humanness, the “mama”-ness, the “me”-ness has to get it all out. I want to be obedient. I want to be used by God in Alaska. I want to learn how to serve God as a family. I want to be willing to go now and in the future; to Alaska or to any other place God would have us serve. The more I step out and trust, the easier faith will become. It’s just like learning a sport or riding a bike-the more you practice, the better you get. The more I practice surrendering my fears, the easier it will be to trust God.
I know that this will be a great trip. I really am looking forward to this opportunity; and I know I will come back with a new awareness of what God can do. I’m looking forward to serving alongside Mrs. Carole and learning from her years of wisdom and experience. I’m excited about serving as a family and learning what this actually looks like in our lives. And I know that the beauty of Alaska will take my breath away.
I just have to take what I know and am excited about and focus my attention there instead of on my fears. Easier said then done but I will keep working on it. 🙂
I will keep my blog updated with news from our trip (and hopefully pictures), so please check back every few days to see how it’s going. . We will be up there through the end of May. The other Madison crew is only staying a week. Please pray for us when you think about it.