Some days are easier than others to obey God’s leading and trust Him. Today is one of those hard days. Ultimately, when it all boils down to it, I will stop doubting, stop fighting, and say yes; but I’ve got to work through my questions, doubts and fears. I’ve got to hand the reins over and surrender my control back into His hands.
It’s not like this is anything new. Sometimes, I just lose sight of who God is. When life gets busy and I don’t take time to slow down and hear from Him, then I lose perspective. Insecurity inches back in. Pride takes over. Doubts about issues that I know are certain in God’s economy try to creep up. My nerves begin getting the best of me and my mind won’t slow down.
So I stop. I confess to God that I’m scared; that I’m fearful of the future. I tell Him I’m insecure and I lay my feelings out before Him. I admit that I’m doubting His presence; that I’m worried he will leave us hanging. I tell Him I want to trust, I want to believe, but my heart and my mind keep getting in the way.
Then I hit the override button. Regardless of what my heart and mind keep saying, regardless of my fears or concerns, I lay them all down. I hit my knees, pour out my heart and tell God that even though I’m fearful, I choose to trust; even though I doubt, I choose to believe; and even though I don’t know what lies ahead, I choose to remain faithful.
That’s what I love about God-on days like this, He’s big enough to handle my doubts, questions and fears. He’s gentle and He holds my hand as well as my heart. He knows that I want to please and honor Him, but He lets me find my way, never leaving my side. And when I do finally get the courage to say, “Yes!” and give it all up, He’s still there waiting.
He knows me and yet He still wants me. He knows me and yet He still loves me. He knows me, and He’s never going to lead me down the wrong path. I just have to trust Him.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths. straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6