Writing, not talking

Writing is how I express my heart. For a while I ran from written words. I thrived on speaking and trying to impress. It wasn’t hard for me to come up with something on the fly. Now everything’s changed.

I was invited to share with a youth group a week or so ago. When asked, I froze up. My nerves kicked in. What’s wrong with me? This used to be no big deal. I could whip up something in no time, right? Wrong! I struggled and pondered all week on what to talk about. I kept coming back to 2 Corinthians 1:3-4. So I jotted down the ideas and questions.

When I got there and began speaking, I was so nervous. We were sitting around a campfire with a bunch of teenagers. The words stumbled out of my mouth. The message I wanted to share was jumbled and I couldn’t get it to make sense to them. I kept wishing I had a pen and paper so I could express the message that was trying to escape my heart. There was so much depth, so much meaning. I wanted them to understand. Thankfully my friend recapped my message after I spoke and made it make sense.

When I got home I realized that the last time I shared with teenagers was in 2009, before God got a hold of everything. That was back when I was trying to impress them by being cool and fun. My words were as deep as a thimble and my heart calloused by lies.

This was the first time I had shared on a general topic with teenagers from a new heart. I’ve got to relearn how to do it and do it the holy way.

Thank you for a new chance at this thing called life. As you’re leading my focus outward, show me how to do old things in new ways. Thank you for changing me from the inside out.

“For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6